As the year ends, it’s inevitable that some form of retrospection takes place. And tonight, as we watched some of our home videos taken just 4 years ago, it struck me how fast things changed in that short span of time.
There’s nothing that trumpets change more than observing a child grow.
I watched chubby faces grow lean, feeling a bittersweet ache settle in my arms because I can’t carry the not-so-little ones anymore.
I watched carefree laughter and impromptu dances turn into self-conscious walks and troublesome worries about school, life and friends.
I watched time relentlessly plough on through, disregarding my frustration at not being able to be home more, to be there for them often… and felt as if I’d missed a huge growing stage in their lives.
And that was when it dawned on me that 2012 may not be about the greater challenges I want to overcome, new mountains I want to scale or finishing lines I want to cross.
‘I never believe parents when they say it’s all worth it,’ someone once remarked, after seeing a friend struggle with motherhood. ‘I mean, to give up all that you are for another smaller person? To let them dictate your life?’
I myself had devoted my early years to the little ones, waking up and sleeping when they did, socializing less because I needed to be with the kids. But once they started pre-school, I very purposefully started re-educating myself too, on who I was and what was important to me. And maybe I did neglect the family. Maybe I was selfish for several years, while I looked for my own identity. Maybe… I needed that.
Because tonight, I felt as if I’d finally come home to what’s really important.
2012 – it’s all about coming home to love.