flat on my back

June 8, 2010 § 3 Comments

Damn. This cannot be happening again.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I turned to my side. I fluffed the pillows. I did everything I could but nothing helped. I was wide awake again, sleepless. And so, I found myself alone, in the dead of the night, answering unimportant emails and looking and reading news I didn’t care about.

I finally fell asleep at 4am, only to be rudely woken up by the Mother’s harried knock on my bedroom door, ‘You’re not going to work today?’

Shit. It was 8.15am. Work began at 9am.

And so began another normal sleep-deprived day for me, where I slumbered through meetings, audio recordings, script writing and rehearsals. It was very all very painful.

My schedule for tomorrow?

8am – video shoot
1pm – department meeting
5pm – site visit for research and prep for another video
7pm – meeting
7.30pm – meeting, which is targeted to end at 10.30pm

Some days, I feel like I’m cruising through life flat on my back.

*

‘And we will be ready, at the end of every day will be ready, will not say no to anything, will try to stay awake while everyone is sleeping, will not sleep, will make the shoes with the elves, will breathe deeply all the time, breathe in all the air full of glass and nails and blood, will breathe it and drink it, so rich, so when it comes we will not be angry, will be content, tired enough to go, gratefully, will shake hands with everyone, bye, bye, and then pack a bag, some snacks, and go to the volcano.’

– Dave Eggers

I breathe in tomorrow deeply, it’s fresh scent in my nostrils, the early morning air waking something in me… and I know, somehow, I’ll enjoy the ride when my carriage comes. This is my roller-coaster ride. And I’m ready for the falls, the climbs, the exhilaration…

The journey.

Drum sound rises on the air, its throb, my heart.

A voice inside the beat says, “I know you’re tired, but come. This is the way.

– Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi

It’s time to get embraced in the Dream Maker’s soft, tender voice, reminding me that as I sleep tonight, He doesn’t. He sits by me, filling in the details of all that I’m going to do tomorrow. He smiles as He reads to me, page after page of dreams yet to come.

Goodnight world.

May you walk in streams of golden sweetness as you cross great divides
May you hear the song on the wind that gives you wings to fly
May you wake with a smile knowing that you never walk alone
And stand in the promise of a life filled with the rainbow’s glow…

Because sometimes, the greatest battles are won when we are flat on our backs.

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