I have found a trust that teaches how to rest.
I have found a grace that guides me by the hand.
I have found a strength that stands like a mountain.
I have found You.
– Kim Walker
Or maybe, He found me.
Huddled beneath three layers of clothing, miserable, without a clue as to what was going on, my mind couldn’t wrap itself around a single concept. Every where I turned, there was someone waiting with a question, looking to me for an answer and today, I could not function at all. It took me an entire day to complete the styling schedule (53 people, 7 stylists, 4 hours) and all I wanted to do was crawl into a deep, dark hole to sleep.
My stomach was still malfunctioning and it was sheer torture for a foodie like me. In the food went, out it threatened to go.
A project met major mishaps. A guy sliced his finger and required stitches. Two girls quarreled. The video needed to be re-worked…
I began praying. It was all I had to cling on to.
Somewhere in the midst of the chaos, the Dream Maker reached out and shook me up with a song. The intrusion was abrupt but I knew he’d led PD to very purposefully drop by my office to chat with me. He showed me the latest album he’d purchased.
‘You have to watch this,’ he said with the excitement of a little boy. It didn’t matter that there was a bunch of people waiting for me. I couldn’t ignore his enthusiasm. So we watched the singer dance, twirl and lead the people to a higher state of consciousness – a life of extravagance to the Dream Maker.
‘She reminds me a little of you,’ he mused. That… was a huge compliment. I was already inspired by her abandonment. Hungry, I quietly left the room and went to hunt for that album. It was sold out but the desire to be inspired once again was so desperately overwhelming.
Ever since I left my previous department, I’d been running dry. The times in the Dream Maker’s arms didn’t come so easily. It felt like being with my Lover, who’s flown overseas. Making time to be with Him came with a choice. Previously, it was part and parcel of living. Now… I needed to carve time out.
But in His tenderness and knowledge of my frailty, He reached out to me. Surprising me by coming to my door when I least expected it.
All I needed to do was open up and surrender to His love.
And when I did, I found myself inspired all over again.
I remember the moment…
We sat quietly close.
Nearer than friends, further than lovers. The quiet hunger of expectation as we turned to look at each other, our faces nearly touching, our eyes searching the other out. We leaned in close and breathed in deeply, the gorgeous familiar smell of the other. Very slowly, we melted forward in a kiss… and the cacophony of busyness faded into a hum in the background of a beautiful moment.
That’s how I feel right now. I’m living in His kiss.
The edges of living have grown softer. The darkness is velvety, the pressure nothing but a hug. And all that I’m conscious of is that I am loved. My vulnerability is touched with His fingertip, as though He feels everything I am, and consumes my emotions with His understanding. My naked heart is carried in His hand with painful tenderness. I am loved.
Tonight, I am reborn in the Dream Maker’s arms.
You put a fire in my belly
And a river in my mouth
There’s no place I’d rather be than here with You
Can I have more of You?
– Kim Walker